The fear of being judged

When you go through a new experience, and if you were like me, you face the fear of being judged. It could be that we tend to get comfortable with where we are and our routines.

I have started this new experience at work, and the evaluation is soon, the closer it comes the more I feel its pressure on me. My body tends to translate its stress through various physical pain. Some symptoms are cycling and sometimes my body introduces me with new symptoms.

I keep on telling myself, that this physical pain and agony is not worth the stress and fear I got from being judged or the fear of something new. Even though I try to calm myself and reassure myself that it is all going to be well at the end, my subconscious is not listening and my body is showing some of those stress signs.

I need to get more and more out of my comfort zone, to overcome these types of fear, and to gain more confidence for I have earned where I am now.


Who knows you best?

Does anyone really know themselves that well? Is it right to assume that someone else than you would know you better than you know yourself or know what is better for you?

These questions stemmed out from some experiences I have went through last year, which sadly affected my selfsteam.

It is this controversial equation between people who knew me for a long time and people who just came to know me recently. As if people who knew me from along do not notice the changes that I might have made, or you can call them self development approaches, to myself and that they see me as the old person that they know. On the other hand, people who came to know me recently, do appraise the developments that I went through.

Having those controversial views confuse me, Did I manage to go ahead with the changes that I wanted to and actually was successful? or are people who know me from along are right and that I am the same old me, need lots of improvement and know nothing and all the negative feelings they make me feel – I actually should feel them?

Would you do things differently?

If time went back and you had a chance to do things differently, would you?

My first reaction would be no, but actually I would. Some people I let into my life, some people that I have shared some info with and those people I have I trusted might not get that chance again. It is not that they didn’t deserve it at the time but it is because they misused that which I gave them. I am not weak but I know I’m emotional and can be trusty- something that I’ve tried over and over to avoid being, but one can’t change oneself or so I’ve been told.

The person who gets hurt at the end is you, me, not them. You are the one who would be affected by your actions’ out come not them. They might consider it as a pass by event and even forget about it. On the other hand you may and may not be sitting there thinking about what on earth have you done/said.

Personally I wish there was some sort of withdrawal from everything and just pause everything, moment of clarity. Take a break whenever you need because you deserve a break every now and then even if you noticed that you need it more often than others. Listen to your body and brain’s status. If you were like me, most of my actions that I would love to do differently were made when I was mentally (and sometimes even physically) drained or even just tired.

At the end, I know I asked the question and answered it somehow, I’m still with the approach “not regrets” as life is an ongoing school that we progress in and hopefully learn with minimum repetition of its lessons.


Emotional or physical pain, both affect us differently. Sometimes we seek that physical pain to over come an emotional one and other times we translate out physical pain as a result of some unresolved emotional need or aspect of our lives and then make it all about that emotion.

Some of us tend to insure that our lives are filled with one of those two types of pain, either for their own emotional satisfaction or envy.

Recently I’ve been thinking about hurting oneself, putting it in either physical or emotional pain. Turning the person to his own prisoner. If one is not aware, it can transform to addiction, one which would be somehow hard to get sober from. That adrenaline rush one gets can be addictive; was is created because of physical or emotional pain.

One is to be stronger and have more control over one’s life.

This post relates to me on different levels. I need to be aware of the pain I put myself through sometimes and be more conscious aware and in control.

On and Off

Time really flies by. Can’t believe it has been more than a year in my new position. I am blessed and grateful. This past year has been a work in progress, and the years to come too.

We go through different stages in our lives that builds us and helped making us the way we are now. These stages vary from school, family, neighbourhood and so on. These stages are full with lessons to be learned and learned from.

For a more recent stage I am in, my new job, not that new for now. This stage held various lessons and curbs that were enlightening.

Our jobs are part of our contemporary lives. If one spends 8 hours out of house; transportation to and from work combined with the actual hours in work. Therefore, I feel that it can be sometimes more than just part of our contemporary lives, it can consume our everyday lives if we are not aware of that. Yes! I’m talking about being a workaholic without being aware of that.

Seeking balance between our work life and personal social lives can be a challenge for some it can be one. Do what ever suits you best, not what you think people think is best for you. This is your life not theirs.

This post is my way of saying: I miss writing in my blog and I am blessed for the things I got, the place I am in and the people I know and knew before.

The things we do 

The things we do for the ones we love. Also the things that r done for us by the ones who love us. Amazing acts of love that surround us is a blessing that we take for granted sometimes. It doesn’t matter if that person was a friend, a close friend, a family relative, a cousin, sibling or parents. The amount of love we have inside us for them can’t be expressed sometimes with words, but actions sometimes can show others that love we have for them. Sadly, some people take our actions for granted and expect these actions as something that we are supposed to do, their right to receive. 

I think it depends on how close and important that person is to you reflects your tolerance to their non-appreciation reactions.

If you ever felt you did that to someone, didn’t appraise them or appreciate them enough, you still got time to pick up the phone or go to them and tell them how thankful you are; but if you felt unappreciated then just act the way you are as you are doing it because you want to not because of the appraisal. 

Social media, advice and us

Not sure where to begin. There is this feeling that I get every time this topic is discussed. I was discussing with an elder relative the involvement of some social media applications in our lives, and that I read some newspaper pieces stating its negative influence (mainly its encouragement for over spending and showing off). The discussion was started from the point of privacy and some research I’m working on. Then I got this comment, which I’ve been getting lately “yeah, so try not to share everything that you do and get through, try to keep it low”. For real!!! You are telling ME that!? I was boiling and wanted to explode. Wasn’t sure where was this coming from, I try not to have family in all of my social media circles, but if they were they would not have said thugs like that. Yes I do share some thugs but I’m not the only one. Also, I don’t share as much as some other family members. Most importantly, what I share is not that personal (or so I think and hope). These emotions are steamed from the fact that elders like to address me in such a matter though I’m the least to do so, and they don’t address other girls in the family who (in perspective) are over doing it. So the question is: do I over share or just share some things that I’m not supposed to? Or do I get the advise for being the one who listens and give a …. About what others tell me?! 

Social media venues are social platforms where one can be represented digitally, so either be themselves but in a digital form or totally reinvent themselves digitally.

Lastly, I do appreciate advice, but when I feel chosen it places more spotlight and makes me uncomfortable. Something to work on maybe.