An apology to myself

Today I felt sorry for myself. I knew this about myself but never fully realised that it was true: I don’t know how to have fun, or enjoy my time. 

Seems to me that all that works for me is to think about what I am doing, and how will that affect me later, and most important what people thought of me after knowing/seeing what I am able to do. Being not good was not an option, flash news (to me at least) that is totally not the point sometimes. In some points in your life to enjoy and engaged fully in the moment is the whole point!! not if you acted well, looked well, did it right!! no! all you need to do is have fun. 

Sadly, it seems that I need to learn how to be able to let go and just ignore everything, most importantly myself, for that I am the worst critic of my actions, I don’t give myself the rights to just have fun, in the back of my head I keep on thinking about what I am doing, is it the right way of doing what ever I am doing, even if what I was doing is considered to be a wrong thing at the first place (wrong as in not advisable to do action).

Sorry!! That’s what I wanna tell myself, for all the moments that I have ruined for myself, for all the moments that I blocked the enjoyment…..

Said it before, and saying it again: I am work in progress, and this is one more thing that I need to work on: Learn to loosen up and have fun, and actually enjoying my time


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